Goal: lower anxiety, rebuild routine, and let attraction breathe. When you feel calm and grounded, your messages land better.
How long should No Contact be?
Light breakup:
21–30 days.
21–30 days.
Messy / hot-and-cold:
30–45 days.
30–45 days.
Severe breach / repeated drama:
45–60 days (and consider whether reconnection makes sense).
45–60 days (and consider whether reconnection makes sense).
Rule of thumb:
If you’re still obsessing at day 21, extend to the next bracket.
If you’re still obsessing at day 21, extend to the next bracket.
What to do during No Contact
- Stability first: sleep, food, movement (no all-nighters, no doomscroll).
- Social + novelty: 2–3 light plans/week and one new thing (class, route, recipe).
- Journal 1 page/day: facts → feelings → choices (keeps you out of rumination).
- Mute triggers: hide stories/posts; protect your focus.
What to avoid
Don’t: “We need to talk”, long apologies, jealousy posts, or triangulating with friends. These keep you in a pursuit loop.
Restarting contact (safe sequence)
- Opener (low-stakes): tied to shared context; easy to answer.
- Warmth: callbacks/inside jokes beat small talk.
- Invite: two choices, short window, “your pick”.
Opener: “Quick q — is that ramen spot on 5th still open late?”
Two-choice invite: “Wed or Thu works — 20min coffee catch-up? Your pick.”
Boundaries that help (calm, not punitive)
Script: “I like where this is going. If it drifts back into casual, I’ll step back — consistency matters to me.”
Checkpoint (last 10–14 days)
- They initiated at least twice.
- They suggested or locked a plan.
- They referenced a previous convo/date.
- They asked a genuine follow-up question.
3–4 checks: keep inviting choices. 1–2: one invite, then mirror pace. 0: step back and reset.
For information only; not therapy or legal advice. We may receive referral commissions.